Mid Life Declaration

When your young, you can stare at your dreams through an open doorway. You can set goals, and look up and see that there is nothing above your head that you could not touch. You can shape and mold your body to anything you want. All your parts look good, and they are still under warranty. if it's meant to be hard, yours is solid. If it's meant to be soft, it makes rose pedals jealous. Being young is the shit. And if you're young and reading this; count yourself lucky. But don't get cocky. You're aging as you read this very sentence. And if you don't take advantage of your youthful energy and elasticity, your life is going to be rather un-orgasmic in a few years. Because getting old sucks. It fucking sucks.

Of course, as you get older, some things are too high to reach, and you find yourself staring at your dreams through windows. y'know the whole blahdy blahdy blah about dreams never fulfilled etc... philosophical bullshit aside. Here's what you young fuck tards have to look forward to...and not too long from now, trust me bitches.

Let's start with the cool factor. And really, all I have to say about that is cool doesn't pay the bills, or put food in your stomachs. It doesn't make sure you get to school on time, and it doesn't help your parents bust their un-cool asses fending off all the bullshit of raising your ungrateful, too cool for responsibility asses. But when you get old, you realize having your shit together, and going the month without having something repossessed, or disconnected is pretty God damned cool. However, don't think for a minute that we couldn't take your cool to the woodshed with our cool, so you can just fuck yourselves on that one.

Physically, getting older totally sucks. Almost every part of your body that comes in pairs decides to part ways. Girls, you can look forward to a vagina that looks like it could be served in a wrapper from Taco Bell, and boys, Your penis starts to resemble snuffleupagaus. Every body part comes with a pill to make it work, and if you're not organized with that shit, you could end up going to work with the heart rate of a dirt worm, the motor skills of a hermit crab, and an erection that may need medical attention. When you take a piss, it doesn't sound like a little waterfall. It's more like a faucet in need of a washer. Boys, you will start talking to your penis, begging it to listen to your bladder. And girls, you'll be asking your vaginas to keep it's mouth shut until you can find a bathroom. Sex - though fewer and farther between actually gets better to a certain degree. And that's because when you're old, you never know if it's going to be the last time you can actually make it work without the wonders of modern science. We may not be limber enough for all the positions, but we make up for what we lack in that regard with liberty. If we can fit it, we will fuck it. He is saying "what about the crease behind your knee?" Meanwhile she's already saying "fuck it bitch. fuck it!" It sounds pathetic and somewhat insane, but it gets you from point A to point B, and that's all that matters. Trust me, when you're old and there's two of you rolling naked on a mattress, with all the loose skin, and the sounds old bodies make, point B is a fuckin serious accomplishment.

Then, there's perspective. Probably one of the nice things about getting old. You realise that what you thought you knew was bullshit, and that bullshit is what makes the world go round. And now that you're old, you can take a step back and let the young know-it-alls deal with the bullshit, cuz you're going to grab a drink and enjoy the sunset. And that's all I'm going to say about that, because I had to earn this perspective. If you're older, then I don't need to explain. If you don't know what I mean, you soon will, but you need to find the answer yourself.

When you dissect it and throw it all under a microscope; getting old is a multitude of things. It's a physical and spiritual transformation. It's a statement. It's a declaration that you have paid your dues and taken your lumps. It's justification of your experiences and an anthem of despite it all I am still here. It is a reward and a memorial for those you have loved and lost. In a world where the odds are against you, old is a privilege and a benefit. And it's a badge we should wear with pride. And, above all, as generations come and go; Old is a reminder to us all that we don't know shit about being young...just ask a WWII veteran. Old is the realisation that our hearts are forever young...everything and everyone else just didn't get the memo.