Frunkbooking

In the days long before cell phones, not many people were woken at 3 in the morning by a ringing phone with an incoherent and tastelessly forward and intoxicated ex-boyfriend at the other end of the line. Reason being is that, first they would still have to have the motor skills to make it to a phone booth, open the door, and slither inside to pick up the receiver. Then they would have to demonstrate the capacity to count out 35 cents and deposit it into the slot without dropping it on the floor, loosing it forever only because there's not enough room in the booth to bend their drunk ass down to pick it up. Then, they would have to remember your number. By this time, they'd be passed out hunched over the phone.

Today, obviously, it's a little different huh? But let's fore go drunk cell calls and texts, mainly because it's been soooo done before. Instead, I'd like to focus on facebook, because there is NOTHING more self destructive and damaging than what I like to phrase "Frunkbooking".

There's nothing like waking up in the morning and seeing a post on your wall stating "I fuckin luv u you fxuckin bitch. I don't crae if your husband knoes." Or how about waking up after a bender realizing that you updated your status last night from your blackberry. You race to your laptop and, sure enough "(employer) can blow a dick because I fuckin hate all u bitches!" Half the office is on your facebook right? Can't wait till Monday huh? Oh! and can't forget the pics that will be posted on your friends' fbook...y'know the ones where you're swapping DNA with some girl on the dance floor at the club, or flashing the loot you lifted from the liquor store on your way home....maybe the classic pic of you relieving yourself of the 7 Jack n cokes you drank on the hood of a patrol car...The "passed out face first in some dudes toilet" pics will definitely net some response. Regardless of the particulars of that fateful evening, Frunkbooking is a personal and professional assassin. The public display of your error in judgement, tho great fodder for office talk and personal entertainment for those on your friendslist (well, the ones you have left anyways) will take longer than the time you threw up at the spring dance in 1991 to fade away into the far reaches of everyone's memory. Your only hope now is that someone else on your friend list commits a Frunkbook much more devastating than yours.

Now I could get into how facebook is a resource for present and future employers to "profile" their employees, or for family members to keep tabs on who is disgracing the family, or for husband/wives/BFs &GFs to keep you honest, or even for the police in conducting investigations, because we should all know that by now. But when alcohol is introduced to the mobile social networking infrastructure known as facebook, we assume all of facebook is at the same party. And it only takes a Frunkbook of a drunkin "money shot" moment to fuck it all up. Now because mobile devices don't come with Breathalyzers to unlock them (and maybe they should) keep the judgement in check...if not, then go out with a fuckin BANG and make yourself FAMOUS for the Frunkbook of all time. Because there's nothin worse than being INFAMOUS for the Frunkbook of the day.